A First Class Body, the Death Rattle and Helping a Family Friend
by Judy Bachrach
DECEMBER 9, 2009 TAGS:
Dear Judy,
I just went on a honeymoon with my husband (of course!), and we booked first class to South Africa and back. On the flight to South Africa, someone died in economy class, and believe it or not, they moved the body from where it was over to first class, where it lay wrapped in a blanket directly across the aisle from me.
I protested, because who wants to look at a corpse on her honeymoon, especially in first class, after paying a lot of money, but was told that economy was really crowded, and they didn't want a corpse there "for health reasons" (but first class was OK?? Our health was better?).
When we landed, I pitched a fit, and said we deserved to have our money refunded, considering it was hardly a first class experience. The airline had a real hard time understanding this, apparently. They said nothing in their agreement with passengers prevented them from moving a dead body from one class to another.
What do you think?
Myra
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Dear Myra,
This is a new one on me, although I have heard that airlines have the absolute right to deal with surprise corpses as they see fit.
On the other hand, I'd say yes, you've certainly got a point. It probably was neither a first class experience nor a romantic honeymoon experience, and if the airline were smart they’d hand you and your husband freebie tickets to some romantic destination to make up for the little contretemps you experienced on your honeymoon.
On the other hand, I don't run an airline.
Look at it this way: You'll have plenty to tell your children and grandchildren when the time comes.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
--
Dear Judy,
My sister called me at 10 p.m. on Thursday because her husband's death rattle had started. I spend six agonizing hours with them. He was making the most horrific loud groan. It sounded like a wounded bull struggling to get out of quicksand.
My sister kept screaming and crying because she thought he was in pain (was he?). She begged the hospice personnel to give him something to make it stop. Unfortunately they had nothing available. Finally after three hours, they sent something over. Is this the way hospice care is supposed to operate?
Once the medication arrived and my brother-in-law was injected, everything eased up. This is the hardest thing I ever had to go through!
What next?
Lorraine
Dear Lorraine,
I am so sorry you and your sister are going through such an awful time. You are right about the hospice: they knew your brother-in-law was in pain, and they certainly should have been prepared with the appropriate pain-killers and sedatives.
What you heard, I'm afraid, was not a death rattle. It doesn't sound like a wounded bull. But as long as your brother-in-law keeps getting strong pain-killers, you likely won't hear that sound again.
I want you to concentrate now not on what happened, which can't be altered, but on yourself and your sister. You are both alive.
You both need R & R. When a hospice volunteer stops by or a close friend, perhaps you can take your sister out for a meal, or a movie (or both).
Think of what helps you both relax: hot bath? Scented candles? Then try to take some time for yourselves.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
--
Dear Judy,
There's a family friend who was really nice to my father when he was dying. Now she herself has lung cancer, fairly advanced.
She goes in and out of hospital treatment, chemo, the works.
My mother, whom I love a whole lot, keeps telling me I have to drive this family friend around to her medical appointments. I have a full-time job, a 3-year-old and, to add to the general chaos, my husband left us both right after I gave birth.
What do you think? I'm not in a position to tell my boss I'll be missing half the day or even to tell day care I won't be around until evening to pick up my son.
My mother said whatever you say, it's law.
Lucy
Dear Lucy,
I'm not sure my advice falls under any legal category, but I will tell you this:
Do only as much for the family friend as you reasonably can. You have a child who, from what you write, is wholly dependent on you, you have day care which might no longer welcome your son if he's picked up late. And not least, you have a job you can't afford to lose, especially in this economy.
Here's a thought, though: Enlist your mother, if she's mobile and healthy, in the campaign to help her friend. She and your late father are the ones who benefited most from that friend's kindness, after all. Maybe she can lead a posse that could come to the friend's aid. It's worth a try. And if she's not up to the job, then tell your mother to call around and see if others can help out.
You can't be the only one on her list. And you shouldn't be.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
I just went on a honeymoon with my husband (of course!), and we booked first class to South Africa and back. On the flight to South Africa, someone died in economy class, and believe it or not, they moved the body from where it was over to first class, where it lay wrapped in a blanket directly across the aisle from me.
I protested, because who wants to look at a corpse on her honeymoon, especially in first class, after paying a lot of money, but was told that economy was really crowded, and they didn't want a corpse there "for health reasons" (but first class was OK?? Our health was better?).
When we landed, I pitched a fit, and said we deserved to have our money refunded, considering it was hardly a first class experience. The airline had a real hard time understanding this, apparently. They said nothing in their agreement with passengers prevented them from moving a dead body from one class to another.
What do you think?
Myra
Dear Myra,This is a new one on me, although I have heard that airlines have the absolute right to deal with surprise corpses as they see fit.
On the other hand, I'd say yes, you've certainly got a point. It probably was neither a first class experience nor a romantic honeymoon experience, and if the airline were smart they’d hand you and your husband freebie tickets to some romantic destination to make up for the little contretemps you experienced on your honeymoon.
On the other hand, I don't run an airline.
Look at it this way: You'll have plenty to tell your children and grandchildren when the time comes.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
--
Dear Judy,
My sister called me at 10 p.m. on Thursday because her husband's death rattle had started. I spend six agonizing hours with them. He was making the most horrific loud groan. It sounded like a wounded bull struggling to get out of quicksand.
My sister kept screaming and crying because she thought he was in pain (was he?). She begged the hospice personnel to give him something to make it stop. Unfortunately they had nothing available. Finally after three hours, they sent something over. Is this the way hospice care is supposed to operate?
Once the medication arrived and my brother-in-law was injected, everything eased up. This is the hardest thing I ever had to go through!
What next?
Lorraine
Dear Lorraine,
I am so sorry you and your sister are going through such an awful time. You are right about the hospice: they knew your brother-in-law was in pain, and they certainly should have been prepared with the appropriate pain-killers and sedatives.
What you heard, I'm afraid, was not a death rattle. It doesn't sound like a wounded bull. But as long as your brother-in-law keeps getting strong pain-killers, you likely won't hear that sound again.
I want you to concentrate now not on what happened, which can't be altered, but on yourself and your sister. You are both alive.
You both need R & R. When a hospice volunteer stops by or a close friend, perhaps you can take your sister out for a meal, or a movie (or both).
Think of what helps you both relax: hot bath? Scented candles? Then try to take some time for yourselves.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
--
Dear Judy,
There's a family friend who was really nice to my father when he was dying. Now she herself has lung cancer, fairly advanced.
She goes in and out of hospital treatment, chemo, the works.
My mother, whom I love a whole lot, keeps telling me I have to drive this family friend around to her medical appointments. I have a full-time job, a 3-year-old and, to add to the general chaos, my husband left us both right after I gave birth.
What do you think? I'm not in a position to tell my boss I'll be missing half the day or even to tell day care I won't be around until evening to pick up my son.
My mother said whatever you say, it's law.
Lucy
Dear Lucy,
I'm not sure my advice falls under any legal category, but I will tell you this:
Do only as much for the family friend as you reasonably can. You have a child who, from what you write, is wholly dependent on you, you have day care which might no longer welcome your son if he's picked up late. And not least, you have a job you can't afford to lose, especially in this economy.
Here's a thought, though: Enlist your mother, if she's mobile and healthy, in the campaign to help her friend. She and your late father are the ones who benefited most from that friend's kindness, after all. Maybe she can lead a posse that could come to the friend's aid. It's worth a try. And if she's not up to the job, then tell your mother to call around and see if others can help out.
You can't be the only one on her list. And you shouldn't be.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
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