A Full Measure of Devotion
by Joyce Gemperlein
MAY 12, 2009 TAGS:
Would you, could you, say goodbye to a deceased family member by washing the body, laying it on a bed of dry ice – perhaps, like in old-timey Westerns, on the kitchen table right where the breakfast dishes were – gather the proper burial documents and dig a suitable hole?
More and more baby boomers in the United States are asking themselves that question lately, say members of the do-it-yourself (DIY) home funeral movement, which began about two decades ago.
The reasons for this momentum rest in the harmonic convergence of a ruptured economy that demands or encourages penny-pinching, interest in “going green” by eschewing embalming chemicals, and increasing numbers of boomers opting for personalized funerals over standardized ones as a way to better cope with loss.
“It is something whose time may finally have come. It is at the other end of the spectrum of natural childbirth and a logical extension of the hospice movement,” says Lisa Carlson, whose first version of Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love, a state-by-state guide to DIY burial and cremation was published after the 1981 suicide of her 31-year-old husband.
Carlson, of Vermont, is at work on the book’s third edition.
Although numbers of home burials are not tracked, she and others in the movement say they are fielding increasing numbers of inquiries about the diverse state laws, procedures, costs and psychological benefits of taking on tasks that, for decades, Americans have customarily contracted out to professionals.
In effect, these new home burials are pioneering a return to the past, notes the Rev. Lynn Acquafondata, a Pittsburgh, Pa., Unitarian minister who recently began “Final Journey Home” to assist families in conducting low-cost, in-home funeral services.
Acquafondata’s rates begin at $75 for connecting families with resources, helping with paperwork and coaching on the process of laying out a family member. (Most estimates of the average funeral-home-directed service come in at between $7,000 and $8,000.)
“Americans got away from doing it at home during and after the Civil War. Embalming began when soldiers had to be brought home for burial. It was the only way to do it. The funeral home industry began, and people began to think that they had to do it that way,” says Acquafondata.
In addition, by the 1920s, death became “medicalized.” In other words, more and more people died away from home due to the rise in hospitals across the nation, according to Gary Laderman in his book, Rest In Peace: A Cultural History of Death and the Funeral Home in Twentieth Century America (Oxford, 2003).
Except in times of war, home had been the traditional place of death for most Americans, Laderman notes. The shift to death in hospitals showed up first in cities and gradually spread to rural areas, eventually altering Americans’ psychological view of death.
“The cultural implications of this environmental shift from death in the home to death in the hospital were profound, and contributed to the literal displacement of the dead from the everyday social worlds of the living,” Laderman writes in his history of the funeral industry.
Both embalming and hospitals boosted the establishment of funeral directors, who “achieved an air of authority in mortal matters, and became the primary managers of the corpse. . . (and the) deeply unpleasant, to some, tasks associated with that,” Laderman writes.
Carlson says her survey of home funeral organizations shows the most interest coming from people who have lost children to illness or accidents.
“There is a feeling, a need in those cases, for the families to stay involved, to stay with the child, to have something physically to do to take away a little of the sense of helplessness,” she says.
Acquafondata stresses that the psychological benefits of home funerals can outweigh concerns about performing tasks for and around a corpse.
“It really helps a family to work through and process grief instead of walking away and keeping it at arm’s length. Families engage in the process, are with the body of their loved ones, and that imposes reality. Also, in a funeral home, grief has to be fit into a particular time frame. At home, when waves of grief come, they can be dealt with at any time.”
“Fear of death is a big thing in our society because we keep it separate from life,” says Acquafondata. “We need to bring it back into the home to show that death comes in the midst of life, but life continues.”
Original photo by Joyce Mitchell
For information on organizing a congregation or community home funeral ministry, a state-by-state directory of burial laws, and other information related to family participation in home funerals, see the website of “Undertaken with Love” at www.undertakenwithlove.org
Joyce Gemperlein is a regular contributor to Obit.
More and more baby boomers in the United States are asking themselves that question lately, say members of the do-it-yourself (DIY) home funeral movement, which began about two decades ago.The reasons for this momentum rest in the harmonic convergence of a ruptured economy that demands or encourages penny-pinching, interest in “going green” by eschewing embalming chemicals, and increasing numbers of boomers opting for personalized funerals over standardized ones as a way to better cope with loss.
“It is something whose time may finally have come. It is at the other end of the spectrum of natural childbirth and a logical extension of the hospice movement,” says Lisa Carlson, whose first version of Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love, a state-by-state guide to DIY burial and cremation was published after the 1981 suicide of her 31-year-old husband.
Carlson, of Vermont, is at work on the book’s third edition.
Although numbers of home burials are not tracked, she and others in the movement say they are fielding increasing numbers of inquiries about the diverse state laws, procedures, costs and psychological benefits of taking on tasks that, for decades, Americans have customarily contracted out to professionals.
In effect, these new home burials are pioneering a return to the past, notes the Rev. Lynn Acquafondata, a Pittsburgh, Pa., Unitarian minister who recently began “Final Journey Home” to assist families in conducting low-cost, in-home funeral services.
Acquafondata’s rates begin at $75 for connecting families with resources, helping with paperwork and coaching on the process of laying out a family member. (Most estimates of the average funeral-home-directed service come in at between $7,000 and $8,000.)
“Americans got away from doing it at home during and after the Civil War. Embalming began when soldiers had to be brought home for burial. It was the only way to do it. The funeral home industry began, and people began to think that they had to do it that way,” says Acquafondata.
In addition, by the 1920s, death became “medicalized.” In other words, more and more people died away from home due to the rise in hospitals across the nation, according to Gary Laderman in his book, Rest In Peace: A Cultural History of Death and the Funeral Home in Twentieth Century America (Oxford, 2003).
Except in times of war, home had been the traditional place of death for most Americans, Laderman notes. The shift to death in hospitals showed up first in cities and gradually spread to rural areas, eventually altering Americans’ psychological view of death.
“The cultural implications of this environmental shift from death in the home to death in the hospital were profound, and contributed to the literal displacement of the dead from the everyday social worlds of the living,” Laderman writes in his history of the funeral industry.
Both embalming and hospitals boosted the establishment of funeral directors, who “achieved an air of authority in mortal matters, and became the primary managers of the corpse. . . (and the) deeply unpleasant, to some, tasks associated with that,” Laderman writes.
Carlson says her survey of home funeral organizations shows the most interest coming from people who have lost children to illness or accidents.
“There is a feeling, a need in those cases, for the families to stay involved, to stay with the child, to have something physically to do to take away a little of the sense of helplessness,” she says.
Acquafondata stresses that the psychological benefits of home funerals can outweigh concerns about performing tasks for and around a corpse.
“It really helps a family to work through and process grief instead of walking away and keeping it at arm’s length. Families engage in the process, are with the body of their loved ones, and that imposes reality. Also, in a funeral home, grief has to be fit into a particular time frame. At home, when waves of grief come, they can be dealt with at any time.”
“Fear of death is a big thing in our society because we keep it separate from life,” says Acquafondata. “We need to bring it back into the home to show that death comes in the midst of life, but life continues.”
Original photo by Joyce Mitchell
For information on organizing a congregation or community home funeral ministry, a state-by-state directory of burial laws, and other information related to family participation in home funerals, see the website of “Undertaken with Love” at www.undertakenwithlove.org
Joyce Gemperlein is a regular contributor to Obit.
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COMMENTS (2)
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Holly Stevens wrote on January 31, 2010 1:34pm
Thanks for mentioning the not-for-profit educational project Undertaken With Love as a resource for families interested in DIY funerals! I just want to let you know our website address has changed. It is now: www.undertakenwithlove.org Thanks! Holly Stevens Coordinator, Undertaken With Love Project Oak Ridge NC 27310-9631 [Report Comment]
Chris Hill wrote on May 19, 2009 2:40pm
When you are dealing with family members or loved ones, whatever you choose to do is 100% correct. In the funeral industry there are lots of people who say NEVER pay for your insurance in advance, and others who say NEVER work with a Corporate-Owned Provider, and probaby those who say NEVER do a home burial. However, as the Founder of the leading family-focused resource on the Internet, www.funeralresources.com, here is what I have found to be true, particuarly through my personal experience after losing my mother to cancer last year: 1. Become as educated and empowered as you can. Read, and learn the basic things you need to know. 2. Make sure you review ALL of your options, as well as look at the advantages and disadvantages of these options. 3. Do it yourself, or seek the help of a Qualified Funeral Service Provider. Again, you can never be wrong, but our website is desinged to educate families, let them know their options, and help them in whatever decision they choose...regardless of their choice. The large majority of families will seek the help of a Professional. However, the main purpose of articles like this, or websites like wwwfuneralresources.com is to make sure families can answer the three single most important questions, which are: 1. "What Should I Know?" 2. "Who Can I Turn To?" 3. "Where Can I Get Started?" Through articles like this, similar to what we do on our family-foucsed website, we try to help families constantly keep up with changing time, new technology, and new ideas or ways to plan a funeral. What matters most is that the family gets exactly what they need. Should that need be a Home Burial or at a Chapel, the main focus in to provide support and love, since very few families make a decision to plan a funeral without careful and collective thought about what's right for their loved ones. Chris Hill, Founder, www.funeralresources.com [Report Comment]
