Do I Have to Pay for my Parents' Funerals?
SEPTEMBER 2, 2009 TAGS:
Dear Judy,
Just wondering about something really important: When my parents pass away, do I have to pay for a funeral? Or really, two funerals?
I am an only child, with absolutely no money for something like this. I don't own my own home or have any assets to fall back on.
Can I refuse to arrange and pay for a funeral? What legal problems will I have to face?
Does there even have to be a funeral?
Thanks in advance for any advice.
Len
.jpg)
Dear Len,
Actually your question is a pretty common one -- and for good reason. In this country, the average funeral these days costs $7,323.00. And that's without a gravestone or a clergyman or a million wreaths. Moreover, that's the average cost, meaning it could be a lot higher, depending on the city you live in and the amount of competition among funeral homes in your area (there are about 21,000 funeral homes nationwide, but many are owned by what I like to call mega-death corporations, so they are not exactly all in competition with each other).
Now to your question: Do you have to fork out at least $15,000 for two parents when they die?
The answer is: No. Funerals and large payments for funerals are not mandatory.
Here's one way out: When a parent is near death, contact either a local university medical school to see if they accept full body donations – or contact a private outfit (Bio-Gift is one) that collects corpses.
You, as next of kin, will have to sign a document promising the corpse of your parent to whatever organization or private company you choose.
Will you get the remains, after the university or private company is done with its medical analyses of your parent?
Yes -- generally the remains will be cremated and put in a box.
If you want to invite friends and relatives over to your house to view the box and celebrate the lives of your parents, that’s a nice, cost-effective way to do things. After the ceremony, you have a lot of burial choices that also cost nothing. You can by law bury the box and its contents in your backyard, you can keep it in perpetuity on the mantel – or you can fling the ashes to the winds, if you prefer.
Any other benefits to this sort of ending? Yes again! These kinds of donations supposedly benefit science. Certainly they benefit the private companies that sell body parts to universities – and the medical students at the universities themselves.
But you at least pay nothing.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
--
Dear Judy,
I'm not sure I should be writing you. I don't know whether I'm dying or not, but I think it can't be good. I've had one mastectomy. Next Tuesday it will be two.
My son, who is 15, never knew about the breast cancer. Now that my husband and I are separated, I think I'm going to have to tell him about the disease and also the second mastectomy because afterwards I'll undergo a lot of chemo, and my husband won't be around to pinch-hit like he used to.
Judy, do I have to tell my teenage son about this in detail? His father just bugged out on us. I don't want him thinking I'm going to bug out, too -- although for reasons beyond my control obviously.
If so, what do I say to my kid? If not, how do I hide it and still keep being a Mom?
Celia
Dear Celia,
I am so sorry about your bad news. To answer the most important question: At 15, your son is old enough to absorb bad news -- but that's not all. He's also old enough to help out with chores, as I hope you know already.
In other words, some of those chores will now change: He can accompany you (after school hours) to the doctor; he can get your meds from the drugstore; he can call the drugstore if you need a refill. And he can help clean up around the house.
And speaking of duties: Despite the separation, your husband is going to have to be very busy as well -- with your son. I'm assuming (and hoping) you two stay in touch and see each other. Your son will need a lot of comfort during these next months, and a lot of help.
So yes, you need to talk to your son. Today. And you need to be candid. Try saying whatever you want to say in front of a mirror until it sounds right. Then after practice, say it to him. He not only needs to hear the truth, he has a right to it.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
Just wondering about something really important: When my parents pass away, do I have to pay for a funeral? Or really, two funerals?
I am an only child, with absolutely no money for something like this. I don't own my own home or have any assets to fall back on.
Can I refuse to arrange and pay for a funeral? What legal problems will I have to face?
Does there even have to be a funeral?
Thanks in advance for any advice.
Len
Dear Len,Actually your question is a pretty common one -- and for good reason. In this country, the average funeral these days costs $7,323.00. And that's without a gravestone or a clergyman or a million wreaths. Moreover, that's the average cost, meaning it could be a lot higher, depending on the city you live in and the amount of competition among funeral homes in your area (there are about 21,000 funeral homes nationwide, but many are owned by what I like to call mega-death corporations, so they are not exactly all in competition with each other).
Now to your question: Do you have to fork out at least $15,000 for two parents when they die?
The answer is: No. Funerals and large payments for funerals are not mandatory.
Here's one way out: When a parent is near death, contact either a local university medical school to see if they accept full body donations – or contact a private outfit (Bio-Gift is one) that collects corpses.
You, as next of kin, will have to sign a document promising the corpse of your parent to whatever organization or private company you choose.
Will you get the remains, after the university or private company is done with its medical analyses of your parent?
Yes -- generally the remains will be cremated and put in a box.
If you want to invite friends and relatives over to your house to view the box and celebrate the lives of your parents, that’s a nice, cost-effective way to do things. After the ceremony, you have a lot of burial choices that also cost nothing. You can by law bury the box and its contents in your backyard, you can keep it in perpetuity on the mantel – or you can fling the ashes to the winds, if you prefer.
Any other benefits to this sort of ending? Yes again! These kinds of donations supposedly benefit science. Certainly they benefit the private companies that sell body parts to universities – and the medical students at the universities themselves.
But you at least pay nothing.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
--
Dear Judy,
I'm not sure I should be writing you. I don't know whether I'm dying or not, but I think it can't be good. I've had one mastectomy. Next Tuesday it will be two.
My son, who is 15, never knew about the breast cancer. Now that my husband and I are separated, I think I'm going to have to tell him about the disease and also the second mastectomy because afterwards I'll undergo a lot of chemo, and my husband won't be around to pinch-hit like he used to.
Judy, do I have to tell my teenage son about this in detail? His father just bugged out on us. I don't want him thinking I'm going to bug out, too -- although for reasons beyond my control obviously.
If so, what do I say to my kid? If not, how do I hide it and still keep being a Mom?
Celia
Dear Celia,
I am so sorry about your bad news. To answer the most important question: At 15, your son is old enough to absorb bad news -- but that's not all. He's also old enough to help out with chores, as I hope you know already.
In other words, some of those chores will now change: He can accompany you (after school hours) to the doctor; he can get your meds from the drugstore; he can call the drugstore if you need a refill. And he can help clean up around the house.
And speaking of duties: Despite the separation, your husband is going to have to be very busy as well -- with your son. I'm assuming (and hoping) you two stay in touch and see each other. Your son will need a lot of comfort during these next months, and a lot of help.
So yes, you need to talk to your son. Today. And you need to be candid. Try saying whatever you want to say in front of a mirror until it sounds right. Then after practice, say it to him. He not only needs to hear the truth, he has a right to it.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
RELATED CONTENT
COMMENTS (1)
Latest News Delivered to Your Inbox - Sign up with our site and you will get the latest news about people and subjects that interest you.
Jo Russell wrote on September 2, 2009 8:48am
Dear Judy, Great answers to tough questions to Celia and Len. Thank you for all the information and for your kindness. [Report Comment]
RECENT POSTS
EXTREME DONATIONS, A SOMETIMES FRIEND AND BEQUEATHING A NECKLACE
PAINFUL CHARITIES, AN HONEST OBITUARY AND FINDING THE RIGHT WORDS
A PREMATURE FUNERAL, LAWYERING UP FOR INHERITANCE AND SYMPATHY FOR A NEIGHBOR
MAKING AMENDS, LIFE AFTER DEATH, AND ADVOCATING CREMATION
SCATTERING ADVICE, TREADING LIGHTLY AND FUNERAL INVITES
STEP DAUGHTER TROUBLES, CHILDREN AT A FUNERAL AND FOOTING THE BILL
AVOIDING CONFRONTATION, AN EXPECTED INHERITANCE, AND RUDE REMARKS AT A FUNERAL
INAPPROPRIATE REMARKS, UNWELCOME COMMISERATION AND ANGLING FOR A JOB
CHOOSING AN ADVOCATE, HONEST ANSWERS AND MARRYING FOR MONEY
BANKING SPERM, ARGUMENTS FOR HOSPICE AND JUNK FOOD AT THE END
ARRANGING VISITS, MY WAY AND A LOVELY WIDOW
THE NECKLACE, WITHHELD SYMPATHY AND FATALISTIC FLORIDIANS
FINDING HOSPICE, A BEREAVED NEIGHBOR AND A SECRET AFFAIR
ABANDONING THE DEPRESSED, A TOE JAM AND NEIGHBORLY CARE
FOUL PLAY, SNAPPY COMEBACKS AND 10 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO THE DYING
A CAT'S LAST TRIP, A NEIGHBOR'S ACCIDENT AND POORLY TIMED NUPTIALS
UNWELCOME GALLOWS HUMOR, A SECRET DAUGHTER AND BURIAL SLIGHTS
A HOUSE APART, GIVING BAD NEWS AND WAITING ON A WILL
INCENDIARY REMARKS, UNDUE OPTIMISM AND AVOIDING BAD JOKES
GRAVE SUSPICIONS, ADULT DECISIONS AND PREPOSTEROUS PLANS
SYMPATHY CARD WITH MONEY, BUYING A MOTORCYCLE AND A STONE-COLD PARTNER
MARRYING A STEP-DAUGHTER, ACCUSING A NURSING HOME AND A PARTNER'S LAMENT
AN OBJECTIONABLE ADOPTION, AIR-TIGHT SOLUTIONS AND TELLING YOUR KIDS
PRETENDING TO MOURN, A PLAIN WOODEN BOX AND A TWIN'S RETORT
A FORMER FRIEND, NOT SAD AND FUR DISINHERITANCE
MEMORIAL FOR AN ESTRANGED SISTER, SUPPORT GROUP TROUBLES AND BIN LADEN BURIAL
COMPASSIONATE PARTNERS, ENVIRONMENTAL HAZARDS AND AVOIDING HELL
BURY ME WITH MY DOG, BOOK CLUB MEMORIALS AND ENSURING INHERITANCE
A HERMES SCARF, DISCUSSING THE AFTERLIFE AND AN EX-LOVER'S WIFE
DISINHERITANCE TROUBLES, SEEING THE WORLD AND A HYPOCHONDRIAC BROTHER
A SECRET HUSBAND, WOOLEN COFFINS AND AN EXCLUSIVE GOODBYE
WORDS AT A FUNERAL, LAVISH BURIALS AND THE AFTERLIFE
ICE COLD JOKES, DEATHBED VISITS AND NATURAL BURIAL
VISITING MOTHER, TWIN SISTER BENEFICIARY AND SECOND OPINIONS
GOING HOME, A REVERSE MORTGAGE AND A LONGTIME GIRLFRIEND
SETTING THINGS STRAIGHT, SAYING NO AND BRINGING UP A BROOCH
A ROTTEN GRANDCHILD, WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE AND AN ANGRY SON
DIABETES DIATRIBES, TELLING YOUR KIDS AND FEARING A WILL
DUCKING PHONE CALLS, GOOD LUCK GOES BAD AND A BOYFRIEND'S OVERDOSE
A DEAD LOVER, A SMUTTY INHERITANCE AND A FAIR SPLIT
CREMATION COST, A RAINY DAY FUND AND A MOOCHING BROTHER
SEEING A MOVIE, PLANNING A FUNERAL AND A STUBBORN FIANCE
CARING FOR AN ABUSIVE FATHER, INHERITENCE PROBLEMS AND AN UNPLEASANT COLLEAGUE
TAKING CARE OF PEPPER, WILL DILLY DALLYING AND SEEING A SISTER
THE HALO EFFECT, A NEW WIFE AND THE WIDOW JOSEPHINE
MY NEW AGE COUSIN, A CHATTY TRAINER AND DONATING LIFE
FEELING OPPRESSED, MY SO-CALLED FRIENDS AND A HATED FATHER
STEPPING OUT, SAYING GOODBYE TO MOM AND SIGNS OF ALZHEIMER'S
SYMPATHY FROM AFAR, NEEDY NEIGHBORS AND FINDING GOD
THE IMPORTANCE OF LIES, FINDING HOSPICE AND DEATH JAGS
WHAT COMES AFTERWARDS: WILLS AND HOUSES
STAYING AT HOME, A GOOD DEATH AND EXCESSIVE DONATIONS
MY HUSBAND'S GIRLFRIEND, A SHOUTING BOSS AND READY-FOR-THE-GRAVE
ASKING THE QUESTION, CHANGING CARE AND PERFECT SILENCE
MASS EMAILS, NO SYMPATHY CARDS AND DEATHBED APOLOGIES
INCURABLE SECRETS, AN UGLY COUSIN AND A SMELLY EX
ENSURING YOUR ESTATE FALLS IN THE RIGHT HANDS
BAD MOUTHING THE DEAD, EMBALMING AND GUILT
THE RAGE OF THE DYING, FUNERAL GLOATING AND ALZHEIMER'S DESTRUCTION
BURIAL AT SEA, PHANTOM SYMPTOMS AND A DISTANT FATHER
FEELING LIKE A BRAT, ENSURING INHERITANCE AND FUNERAL TRUSTS
SHOULD A FIVE YEAR-OLD SEE AN EMBALMED BODY? AND MORE...
A TRAVELING BODY, FEASTING AT A FUNERAL AND BUSTING EUPHEMISMS
WHEN NOTHING CAN BE RECONCILED
PANNA COTTA, STAYING OUT OF THE ICU AND AVOIDING A SKUNK
THE SIMPLE THINGS, AN ESTRANGED MOTHER AND A BOSSY BROTHER
OFFENSIVE CHILDREN, EXPENSIVE COFFINS AND RUDE WAKE GUESTS
CRUELTY, FEAR AND ANGER AT THE END
CORPSE REAL ESTATE, SECRET FAMILIES AND DIVIDING A BEQUEST
LYING TO THE DYING, PRE-PLANNING AND AN UNLOVED COUSIN
THE OTHER FAMILY, APATHY AND CYBER SNOOPING
SURVIVORS, COST OVERRUNS AND REINCARNATION
AN AWFUL PATIENT, RESTORING BEAUTY AND THANK YOU NOTES
A STEPFATHER'S NEGLECT, A CHRISTIAN BURIAL AND A DYING TWIN
A DISTANT BOYFRIEND, PRE-NEED QUESTIONS AND HUSBAND IN A COMA
A MISTRESS CALLS, A FRIEND'S MOTHER AND BEING THERE
THE LIMITS OF CARE, SUMMER CHOICES AND CHURCH GIVING
WHEN TO STAY AT HOME, WHEN TO VISIT
AN OLDER FIANCE, TO SUE OR NOT TO SUE AND DISAPPEARING MALICE
MYTHIC PLANS, OFFICE COLLECTIONS AND BEING POLITE
CHILDHOOD GRIEF, A TWIN'S DEATH AND A STEP-DAUGHTER GRIPES
CELEBRATING LIFE AND NEARING THE END
AN OLD SCHOOL MAMA, A CHEATING HUSBAND AND A MOUTHY NEIGHBOR
SOCIAL REJECTION, A CHATTY DOORMAN AND POLITICAL DISPUTES
FINDING SUPPORT, A JEALOUS WIFE AND A BORING WAKE
AN AILING MOTHER OVERSEAS AND A SCHEMING BROTHER
AN ACCIDENTAL SUICIDE, A NEW WIFE AND THE LONG HAUL
A BIOLOGICAL FATHER, HEAVEN, HELL AND UNSOCIABLE STEPMOTHER
POWER OF ATTORNEY, A LIVING WILL AND A BAD-MOUTHING MOTHER
EXTREME DRIVING, TALKING TO A DEAD HUSBAND AND FEARING A SON
A LOYAL/MALICIOUS AUNT, VISITING A VICIOUS SISTER AND A LOVER'S FUNERAL
A FATHER IN JAIL, A CLASSMATE'S FUNERAL AND A PASTOR'S LAMENT
HIDDEN RAGE, A DISAPPEARING HUSBAND AND A CONDO IN PHOENIX
THE MISDIAGNOSIS, QUITTING SMOKING AND SMOKING AT THE END
MY DAD'S LAST NAME, A RUSSIAN LAST NAME AND A ROTTEN FRIEND
A WEEPY CLASSMATE, FROM BEDSIDE TO HONG KONG AND A VICIOUS MOTHER
HOW DO I TELL MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER THAT HER FATHER IS DYING OF CANCER?
A SMOKER, A PAIR OF EARRINGS AND THE AFTERLIFE
WHAT DOES DEATH LOOK LIKE, A SURVIVOR'S BOASTS AND VISITING A DYING BROTHER
HEAVY GYM TALK, DRUGS THAT HASTEN DEATH AND A MISTRESS REVEALED
A DEAD PRINCIPAL, A HOSPICE NURSE AT BOOK CLUB AND A GOOD FRIEND
A DISRESPECTED ONCOLOGIST, A GRIEVING HOUSEKEEPER AND IMPROPER CONDOLENCES
AN ESTRANGED UNCLE, A SCHIZOPHRENIC MOM AND PROBLEMS WITH A JUG
THE HALO EFFECT AND FORGETTING A DEATH
A DRESS TO DIE FOR, A BRAGGART GRIEVES AND AN ANNIVERSARY PARTY
NO THANK YOU NOTE, HIRING PEOPLE WITH CANCER AND HONORING A STEPFATHER
A FIRST CLASS BODY, THE DEATH RATTLE AND HELPING A FAMILY FRIEND
A NEEDY SISTER, FURIOUS STEP-CHILDREN AND WHY WE TALK ABOUT DEATH
A STEPMOTHER'S ODD REQUESTS, PAYING BACK A LOAN AND HALLUCINATIONS AT THE END
PRETENDING HIS WIFE IS DEAD, A LAST WILL AND WHAT TO SAY
DYING IN THE SADDLE, CREMATION PROBLEMS AND A MOTHER'S MENTAL ILLNESS
MY LATE BOYFRIEND'S PARENTS, PROBLEMS WITH A WILL AND HOW TO LISTEN
THOUSANDS OF MILES FROM A LOVED ONE, AN ABSENT COUSIN AND MAKING PLANS
REFUSING TO MAKE END-OF-LIFE-DECISIONS AND PLANNING A SENSIBLE FUNERAL
GRIEVING FOR A POODLE, SHOPPING FOR HOSPICE AND HAVING TROUBLE WITH A SPIRITUAL COUNSELOR
A CHILD MOLESTER, A DYING FRIEND AND MISSTEPS IN FRONT OF A WIDOW
A POLITICIAN'S DEMISE, A WIDOW'S FINANCES AND ADVICE FOR A SIMPLE FUNERAL
THE METAPHYSICS OF ASH SCATTERING, A LIVING WILL AND A SILENT FRIEND
A DEADBEAT BROTHER, SPURNED IN-LAWS, AND THE ANNOYANCE OF CONSTANT COMPANY
A TYRANNICAL WIDOWER, EMAIL DEATH NOTIFICATION AND AN ILLEGITIMATE CHILD RETURNS
OFFICE GIFT GIVING GOES AWRY, OVERSEAS EXPENSES AND A CAR CRASH
TOO MANY VISITORS, ADVICE FOR A HOSPICE WORKER AND A CHILD'S ROOM
A HAPPY WIDOW, QUICK DEATHS AND A LINGERING VOICEMAIL MESSAGE
A SON'S PARTNER IN THE FAMILY VAULT, REPRESSED MEMORIES OF ABUSE AND HELL
THE PLEASURES OF CHEESECAKE, A VACATION FROM DEATH AND DYING AT HOME
A NANNY'S LAMENT, A PEDESTRIAN'S DEATH AND A MOTORCYCLE
GIVING UP, THE NEEDY WIDOW AND A FORGOTTEN LEGACY
THE MAN WHO BROKE MY HEART, A CHURCH SCANDAL AND A CALLOUS COUSIN
MY CRAZY SISTER, A WHACKO CHARITY AND WHETHER TO BRING A CHILD TO A FUNERAL
A MURDERED MOM, QUICK WILLS AND RECOVERING FROM HOSPICE
A FRIEND SUFFERS ALONE, CREMATION AND JUDAISM, AND A LONELY CARETAKER
JUDGING LUNG CANCER, GLOATING AT A FUNERAL AND BUYING AN URN
A SECOND OPINION, THE OVERSHARING WIDOWER AND A GUILTY MOTHER
DEBUNKING FUNERAL MYTHS, FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR EX, AND A BOOZER FIANCE
ENDING YOUR LIFE, LATE CONDOLENCES, AND CALLOUS CO-WORKERS
A FATHER'S NEW GIRLFRIEND, A DEMANDING WIFE AND REFUSING CANCER TREATMENT
LIVING WILL TROUBLE, A HUSBAND DIES IN JAIL AND A NEW WAY TO BEQUEATH
IN LOVE WITH A WIDOWER, TERMINAL DEPRESSION AND BUCKING DEPENDENCY
GUILT FOR PAST DEEDS, A SICK TEACHER AND RECOVERING A PAIR OF EARRINGS
DEALING WITH DENIAL, A MOTHER'S MALICE AND A WAYWARD WIDOWER
HIDING THE D-WORD, WHEN TO TELL THE KIDS AND HOW TO AVOID SPEAKING AT A FUNERAL
FORMER LOVERS, PRAYERS LEFT UNSAID AND MOVING TO NEW HOUSE
AT A LOSS FOR WORDS, SIBLING DISCORD AND HAVING A BABY
A MANGY DOG, THE DEATH OF A LITTLE SISTER AND DONATING A MOTHER'S STUFF
A PUSHY PRIEST, SUSPICIOUS DENTAL WORK AND GETTING A FRIEND'S GROOVE BACK
AN ENEMY AT WORK FALLS ILL, THE BIG NOTHING AND DENYING THE INEVITABLE
A MISTRESS'S GRIEF, DEMENTIA'S TOLL AND GOSSIP AT THE DEATHBED
DIFFERING VALUES, PRIVATE GOODBYES AND RECURRENT MEMORIES OF 9/11
TROUBLE WITH AN OUT-OF-TOWN RELATIVE, INVASIVE QUESTIONS AND EXPENSIVE SUPPORT
STEP-FATHERS, ABUSIVE EX'S AND DO NOT RESUSCITATE ORDERS
MOTHERS-IN-LAW, UNEXPECTED CHANGES AND HEALTH ANXIETY
DESERVED AFFECTION, THE FAMILY ACCOUNTANT AND ICE CREAM
OUT-OF-TOWN BURIAL, CONDOLENCE NOTES AND EARLY ONSET ALZHEIMER'S
HOW LONG TO STAY, A USED CAR AND A DYING EX-HUSBAND
PAYING THE MORTGAGE AND GRAND THEFT JEWELRY
SYMPATHY CARDS, ASSISTING SUICIDE AND INAPPROPRIATE FUNERAL WEAR
ENERGY, GRIEVING AND MEMORY, JUDY'S THIRD COLUMN
EATING, ANGER AND ATHEISTS, ASK JUDY'S SECOND COLUMN
BIRTHDAYS, GUILT AND SUICIDE, ASK JUDY'S FIRST COLUMN
PAINFUL CHARITIES, AN HONEST OBITUARY AND FINDING THE RIGHT WORDS
A PREMATURE FUNERAL, LAWYERING UP FOR INHERITANCE AND SYMPATHY FOR A NEIGHBOR
MAKING AMENDS, LIFE AFTER DEATH, AND ADVOCATING CREMATION
SCATTERING ADVICE, TREADING LIGHTLY AND FUNERAL INVITES
STEP DAUGHTER TROUBLES, CHILDREN AT A FUNERAL AND FOOTING THE BILL
AVOIDING CONFRONTATION, AN EXPECTED INHERITANCE, AND RUDE REMARKS AT A FUNERAL
INAPPROPRIATE REMARKS, UNWELCOME COMMISERATION AND ANGLING FOR A JOB
CHOOSING AN ADVOCATE, HONEST ANSWERS AND MARRYING FOR MONEY
BANKING SPERM, ARGUMENTS FOR HOSPICE AND JUNK FOOD AT THE END
ARRANGING VISITS, MY WAY AND A LOVELY WIDOW
THE NECKLACE, WITHHELD SYMPATHY AND FATALISTIC FLORIDIANS
FINDING HOSPICE, A BEREAVED NEIGHBOR AND A SECRET AFFAIR
ABANDONING THE DEPRESSED, A TOE JAM AND NEIGHBORLY CARE
FOUL PLAY, SNAPPY COMEBACKS AND 10 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO THE DYING
A CAT'S LAST TRIP, A NEIGHBOR'S ACCIDENT AND POORLY TIMED NUPTIALS
UNWELCOME GALLOWS HUMOR, A SECRET DAUGHTER AND BURIAL SLIGHTS
A HOUSE APART, GIVING BAD NEWS AND WAITING ON A WILL
INCENDIARY REMARKS, UNDUE OPTIMISM AND AVOIDING BAD JOKES
GRAVE SUSPICIONS, ADULT DECISIONS AND PREPOSTEROUS PLANS
SYMPATHY CARD WITH MONEY, BUYING A MOTORCYCLE AND A STONE-COLD PARTNER
MARRYING A STEP-DAUGHTER, ACCUSING A NURSING HOME AND A PARTNER'S LAMENT
AN OBJECTIONABLE ADOPTION, AIR-TIGHT SOLUTIONS AND TELLING YOUR KIDS
PRETENDING TO MOURN, A PLAIN WOODEN BOX AND A TWIN'S RETORT
A FORMER FRIEND, NOT SAD AND FUR DISINHERITANCE
MEMORIAL FOR AN ESTRANGED SISTER, SUPPORT GROUP TROUBLES AND BIN LADEN BURIAL
COMPASSIONATE PARTNERS, ENVIRONMENTAL HAZARDS AND AVOIDING HELL
BURY ME WITH MY DOG, BOOK CLUB MEMORIALS AND ENSURING INHERITANCE
A HERMES SCARF, DISCUSSING THE AFTERLIFE AND AN EX-LOVER'S WIFE
DISINHERITANCE TROUBLES, SEEING THE WORLD AND A HYPOCHONDRIAC BROTHER
A SECRET HUSBAND, WOOLEN COFFINS AND AN EXCLUSIVE GOODBYE
WORDS AT A FUNERAL, LAVISH BURIALS AND THE AFTERLIFE
ICE COLD JOKES, DEATHBED VISITS AND NATURAL BURIAL
VISITING MOTHER, TWIN SISTER BENEFICIARY AND SECOND OPINIONS
GOING HOME, A REVERSE MORTGAGE AND A LONGTIME GIRLFRIEND
SETTING THINGS STRAIGHT, SAYING NO AND BRINGING UP A BROOCH
A ROTTEN GRANDCHILD, WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE AND AN ANGRY SON
DIABETES DIATRIBES, TELLING YOUR KIDS AND FEARING A WILL
DUCKING PHONE CALLS, GOOD LUCK GOES BAD AND A BOYFRIEND'S OVERDOSE
A DEAD LOVER, A SMUTTY INHERITANCE AND A FAIR SPLIT
CREMATION COST, A RAINY DAY FUND AND A MOOCHING BROTHER
SEEING A MOVIE, PLANNING A FUNERAL AND A STUBBORN FIANCE
CARING FOR AN ABUSIVE FATHER, INHERITENCE PROBLEMS AND AN UNPLEASANT COLLEAGUE
TAKING CARE OF PEPPER, WILL DILLY DALLYING AND SEEING A SISTER
THE HALO EFFECT, A NEW WIFE AND THE WIDOW JOSEPHINE
MY NEW AGE COUSIN, A CHATTY TRAINER AND DONATING LIFE
FEELING OPPRESSED, MY SO-CALLED FRIENDS AND A HATED FATHER
STEPPING OUT, SAYING GOODBYE TO MOM AND SIGNS OF ALZHEIMER'S
SYMPATHY FROM AFAR, NEEDY NEIGHBORS AND FINDING GOD
THE IMPORTANCE OF LIES, FINDING HOSPICE AND DEATH JAGS
WHAT COMES AFTERWARDS: WILLS AND HOUSES
STAYING AT HOME, A GOOD DEATH AND EXCESSIVE DONATIONS
MY HUSBAND'S GIRLFRIEND, A SHOUTING BOSS AND READY-FOR-THE-GRAVE
ASKING THE QUESTION, CHANGING CARE AND PERFECT SILENCE
MASS EMAILS, NO SYMPATHY CARDS AND DEATHBED APOLOGIES
INCURABLE SECRETS, AN UGLY COUSIN AND A SMELLY EX
ENSURING YOUR ESTATE FALLS IN THE RIGHT HANDS
BAD MOUTHING THE DEAD, EMBALMING AND GUILT
THE RAGE OF THE DYING, FUNERAL GLOATING AND ALZHEIMER'S DESTRUCTION
BURIAL AT SEA, PHANTOM SYMPTOMS AND A DISTANT FATHER
FEELING LIKE A BRAT, ENSURING INHERITANCE AND FUNERAL TRUSTS
SHOULD A FIVE YEAR-OLD SEE AN EMBALMED BODY? AND MORE...
A TRAVELING BODY, FEASTING AT A FUNERAL AND BUSTING EUPHEMISMS
WHEN NOTHING CAN BE RECONCILED
PANNA COTTA, STAYING OUT OF THE ICU AND AVOIDING A SKUNK
THE SIMPLE THINGS, AN ESTRANGED MOTHER AND A BOSSY BROTHER
OFFENSIVE CHILDREN, EXPENSIVE COFFINS AND RUDE WAKE GUESTS
CRUELTY, FEAR AND ANGER AT THE END
CORPSE REAL ESTATE, SECRET FAMILIES AND DIVIDING A BEQUEST
LYING TO THE DYING, PRE-PLANNING AND AN UNLOVED COUSIN
THE OTHER FAMILY, APATHY AND CYBER SNOOPING
SURVIVORS, COST OVERRUNS AND REINCARNATION
AN AWFUL PATIENT, RESTORING BEAUTY AND THANK YOU NOTES
A STEPFATHER'S NEGLECT, A CHRISTIAN BURIAL AND A DYING TWIN
A DISTANT BOYFRIEND, PRE-NEED QUESTIONS AND HUSBAND IN A COMA
A MISTRESS CALLS, A FRIEND'S MOTHER AND BEING THERE
THE LIMITS OF CARE, SUMMER CHOICES AND CHURCH GIVING
WHEN TO STAY AT HOME, WHEN TO VISIT
AN OLDER FIANCE, TO SUE OR NOT TO SUE AND DISAPPEARING MALICE
MYTHIC PLANS, OFFICE COLLECTIONS AND BEING POLITE
CHILDHOOD GRIEF, A TWIN'S DEATH AND A STEP-DAUGHTER GRIPES
CELEBRATING LIFE AND NEARING THE END
AN OLD SCHOOL MAMA, A CHEATING HUSBAND AND A MOUTHY NEIGHBOR
SOCIAL REJECTION, A CHATTY DOORMAN AND POLITICAL DISPUTES
FINDING SUPPORT, A JEALOUS WIFE AND A BORING WAKE
AN AILING MOTHER OVERSEAS AND A SCHEMING BROTHER
AN ACCIDENTAL SUICIDE, A NEW WIFE AND THE LONG HAUL
A BIOLOGICAL FATHER, HEAVEN, HELL AND UNSOCIABLE STEPMOTHER
POWER OF ATTORNEY, A LIVING WILL AND A BAD-MOUTHING MOTHER
EXTREME DRIVING, TALKING TO A DEAD HUSBAND AND FEARING A SON
A LOYAL/MALICIOUS AUNT, VISITING A VICIOUS SISTER AND A LOVER'S FUNERAL
A FATHER IN JAIL, A CLASSMATE'S FUNERAL AND A PASTOR'S LAMENT
HIDDEN RAGE, A DISAPPEARING HUSBAND AND A CONDO IN PHOENIX
THE MISDIAGNOSIS, QUITTING SMOKING AND SMOKING AT THE END
MY DAD'S LAST NAME, A RUSSIAN LAST NAME AND A ROTTEN FRIEND
A WEEPY CLASSMATE, FROM BEDSIDE TO HONG KONG AND A VICIOUS MOTHER
HOW DO I TELL MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER THAT HER FATHER IS DYING OF CANCER?
A SMOKER, A PAIR OF EARRINGS AND THE AFTERLIFE
WHAT DOES DEATH LOOK LIKE, A SURVIVOR'S BOASTS AND VISITING A DYING BROTHER
HEAVY GYM TALK, DRUGS THAT HASTEN DEATH AND A MISTRESS REVEALED
A DEAD PRINCIPAL, A HOSPICE NURSE AT BOOK CLUB AND A GOOD FRIEND
A DISRESPECTED ONCOLOGIST, A GRIEVING HOUSEKEEPER AND IMPROPER CONDOLENCES
AN ESTRANGED UNCLE, A SCHIZOPHRENIC MOM AND PROBLEMS WITH A JUG
THE HALO EFFECT AND FORGETTING A DEATH
A DRESS TO DIE FOR, A BRAGGART GRIEVES AND AN ANNIVERSARY PARTY
NO THANK YOU NOTE, HIRING PEOPLE WITH CANCER AND HONORING A STEPFATHER
A FIRST CLASS BODY, THE DEATH RATTLE AND HELPING A FAMILY FRIEND
A NEEDY SISTER, FURIOUS STEP-CHILDREN AND WHY WE TALK ABOUT DEATH
A STEPMOTHER'S ODD REQUESTS, PAYING BACK A LOAN AND HALLUCINATIONS AT THE END
PRETENDING HIS WIFE IS DEAD, A LAST WILL AND WHAT TO SAY
DYING IN THE SADDLE, CREMATION PROBLEMS AND A MOTHER'S MENTAL ILLNESS
MY LATE BOYFRIEND'S PARENTS, PROBLEMS WITH A WILL AND HOW TO LISTEN
THOUSANDS OF MILES FROM A LOVED ONE, AN ABSENT COUSIN AND MAKING PLANS
REFUSING TO MAKE END-OF-LIFE-DECISIONS AND PLANNING A SENSIBLE FUNERAL
GRIEVING FOR A POODLE, SHOPPING FOR HOSPICE AND HAVING TROUBLE WITH A SPIRITUAL COUNSELOR
A CHILD MOLESTER, A DYING FRIEND AND MISSTEPS IN FRONT OF A WIDOW
A POLITICIAN'S DEMISE, A WIDOW'S FINANCES AND ADVICE FOR A SIMPLE FUNERAL
THE METAPHYSICS OF ASH SCATTERING, A LIVING WILL AND A SILENT FRIEND
A DEADBEAT BROTHER, SPURNED IN-LAWS, AND THE ANNOYANCE OF CONSTANT COMPANY
A TYRANNICAL WIDOWER, EMAIL DEATH NOTIFICATION AND AN ILLEGITIMATE CHILD RETURNS
OFFICE GIFT GIVING GOES AWRY, OVERSEAS EXPENSES AND A CAR CRASH
TOO MANY VISITORS, ADVICE FOR A HOSPICE WORKER AND A CHILD'S ROOM
A HAPPY WIDOW, QUICK DEATHS AND A LINGERING VOICEMAIL MESSAGE
A SON'S PARTNER IN THE FAMILY VAULT, REPRESSED MEMORIES OF ABUSE AND HELL
THE PLEASURES OF CHEESECAKE, A VACATION FROM DEATH AND DYING AT HOME
A NANNY'S LAMENT, A PEDESTRIAN'S DEATH AND A MOTORCYCLE
GIVING UP, THE NEEDY WIDOW AND A FORGOTTEN LEGACY
THE MAN WHO BROKE MY HEART, A CHURCH SCANDAL AND A CALLOUS COUSIN
MY CRAZY SISTER, A WHACKO CHARITY AND WHETHER TO BRING A CHILD TO A FUNERAL
A MURDERED MOM, QUICK WILLS AND RECOVERING FROM HOSPICE
A FRIEND SUFFERS ALONE, CREMATION AND JUDAISM, AND A LONELY CARETAKER
JUDGING LUNG CANCER, GLOATING AT A FUNERAL AND BUYING AN URN
A SECOND OPINION, THE OVERSHARING WIDOWER AND A GUILTY MOTHER
DEBUNKING FUNERAL MYTHS, FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR EX, AND A BOOZER FIANCE
ENDING YOUR LIFE, LATE CONDOLENCES, AND CALLOUS CO-WORKERS
A FATHER'S NEW GIRLFRIEND, A DEMANDING WIFE AND REFUSING CANCER TREATMENT
LIVING WILL TROUBLE, A HUSBAND DIES IN JAIL AND A NEW WAY TO BEQUEATH
IN LOVE WITH A WIDOWER, TERMINAL DEPRESSION AND BUCKING DEPENDENCY
GUILT FOR PAST DEEDS, A SICK TEACHER AND RECOVERING A PAIR OF EARRINGS
DEALING WITH DENIAL, A MOTHER'S MALICE AND A WAYWARD WIDOWER
HIDING THE D-WORD, WHEN TO TELL THE KIDS AND HOW TO AVOID SPEAKING AT A FUNERAL
FORMER LOVERS, PRAYERS LEFT UNSAID AND MOVING TO NEW HOUSE
AT A LOSS FOR WORDS, SIBLING DISCORD AND HAVING A BABY
A MANGY DOG, THE DEATH OF A LITTLE SISTER AND DONATING A MOTHER'S STUFF
A PUSHY PRIEST, SUSPICIOUS DENTAL WORK AND GETTING A FRIEND'S GROOVE BACK
AN ENEMY AT WORK FALLS ILL, THE BIG NOTHING AND DENYING THE INEVITABLE
A MISTRESS'S GRIEF, DEMENTIA'S TOLL AND GOSSIP AT THE DEATHBED
DIFFERING VALUES, PRIVATE GOODBYES AND RECURRENT MEMORIES OF 9/11
TROUBLE WITH AN OUT-OF-TOWN RELATIVE, INVASIVE QUESTIONS AND EXPENSIVE SUPPORT
STEP-FATHERS, ABUSIVE EX'S AND DO NOT RESUSCITATE ORDERS
MOTHERS-IN-LAW, UNEXPECTED CHANGES AND HEALTH ANXIETY
DESERVED AFFECTION, THE FAMILY ACCOUNTANT AND ICE CREAM
OUT-OF-TOWN BURIAL, CONDOLENCE NOTES AND EARLY ONSET ALZHEIMER'S
HOW LONG TO STAY, A USED CAR AND A DYING EX-HUSBAND
PAYING THE MORTGAGE AND GRAND THEFT JEWELRY
SYMPATHY CARDS, ASSISTING SUICIDE AND INAPPROPRIATE FUNERAL WEAR
ENERGY, GRIEVING AND MEMORY, JUDY'S THIRD COLUMN
EATING, ANGER AND ATHEISTS, ASK JUDY'S SECOND COLUMN
BIRTHDAYS, GUILT AND SUICIDE, ASK JUDY'S FIRST COLUMN
RELATED CONTENT
