Party Hardy
by Joyce Gemperlein
MARCH 26, 2009 TAGS:
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Still, the authors of Grave Expectations: Planning the End Like There’s No Tomorrow (Cider Mill Press, 2009), argue that there is not enough meaningful information out and about to ensure that a Neil Diamond song won’t be played at your funeral.
So it is that Sue Bailey and Carmen Flowers have produced what some might consider a sacrilegiously cheery manual/workbook to keep you busy until you die, and let you think you’ll have your way after you do.
Grave Expectations embraces the inevitable with practical, serious information about funeral planning – leave a will, for example, tell people your views on body disposal (included is information about many new methods) and body-part donations. Such instruction makes for a timely book, considering the trend toward personalized funerals and the mortuary industry’s mounting exhortations to aging baby boomers that preplanning is a wise move.
But where Grave Expectations goes beyond the traditional self-help tome is that it attempts to revolutionize the idea that death is a terrifying tragedy. Instead, the authors advise thinking of it as an opportunity to posthumously express ourselves in fun and imaginative ways.
“Life is such a rich, complicated, joyous, mysterious, wild ride. Everyone has stories to tell and lessons to pass on, and what better way to do that than when you’re dead?” the authors explain in the book’s introduction. “It was your life; your funeral is the one time you should do and say absolutely whatever you want.”
Thus, wrapped into the text are lists to fill out. For example: “What I like about myself,” “Who do you want to be a pallbearer?” “What do you want to be said about you?” “Do you have any special makeup requests?” “How about a live webcast?”
If this all sounds so control-freaky, consider that there’s also a space for telling the people you leave behind whether you want mourners at your wake to eat from paper or china plates.
And just in case that isn’t self-centered enough, there’s advice to “throw yourself a party before you get too sick!” In other words, throw a “pre-passing” rehearsal dinner so that people can say good things about you to your living face.
And what would a modern funeral be without “goody bags (or goodbye bags) . . . arrange to have them placed on a table, perhaps by the entrance. . . have your photo put on mugs, T-shirts or calendars. We love the idea of a calendar with a new photo of you and a piece of advice or recipe each month. They won’t forget you even if they try.”
(And imagine the looks your survivors will get at the gym wearing a jersey saying “My mother died and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!”)
Grave Expectations is a worthy, comprehensive and somewhat whacky attempt at dispelling our fear of talking about mortality. It would be tricky to give the book as a gift, and its sales volume will say much about whether we are beginning to embrace death.
One last word: For all the authors’ insistence that marching orders for survivors be recorded in their book, there is no reminder to leave the book where it can be found.
Joyce Gemperlein is a regular contributor to Obit.
Still, the authors of Grave Expectations: Planning the End Like There’s No Tomorrow (Cider Mill Press, 2009), argue that there is not enough meaningful information out and about to ensure that a Neil Diamond song won’t be played at your funeral.
So it is that Sue Bailey and Carmen Flowers have produced what some might consider a sacrilegiously cheery manual/workbook to keep you busy until you die, and let you think you’ll have your way after you do. Grave Expectations embraces the inevitable with practical, serious information about funeral planning – leave a will, for example, tell people your views on body disposal (included is information about many new methods) and body-part donations. Such instruction makes for a timely book, considering the trend toward personalized funerals and the mortuary industry’s mounting exhortations to aging baby boomers that preplanning is a wise move.
But where Grave Expectations goes beyond the traditional self-help tome is that it attempts to revolutionize the idea that death is a terrifying tragedy. Instead, the authors advise thinking of it as an opportunity to posthumously express ourselves in fun and imaginative ways.
“Life is such a rich, complicated, joyous, mysterious, wild ride. Everyone has stories to tell and lessons to pass on, and what better way to do that than when you’re dead?” the authors explain in the book’s introduction. “It was your life; your funeral is the one time you should do and say absolutely whatever you want.”
Thus, wrapped into the text are lists to fill out. For example: “What I like about myself,” “Who do you want to be a pallbearer?” “What do you want to be said about you?” “Do you have any special makeup requests?” “How about a live webcast?”
If this all sounds so control-freaky, consider that there’s also a space for telling the people you leave behind whether you want mourners at your wake to eat from paper or china plates.
And just in case that isn’t self-centered enough, there’s advice to “throw yourself a party before you get too sick!” In other words, throw a “pre-passing” rehearsal dinner so that people can say good things about you to your living face.
And what would a modern funeral be without “goody bags (or goodbye bags) . . . arrange to have them placed on a table, perhaps by the entrance. . . have your photo put on mugs, T-shirts or calendars. We love the idea of a calendar with a new photo of you and a piece of advice or recipe each month. They won’t forget you even if they try.”
(And imagine the looks your survivors will get at the gym wearing a jersey saying “My mother died and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!”)
Grave Expectations is a worthy, comprehensive and somewhat whacky attempt at dispelling our fear of talking about mortality. It would be tricky to give the book as a gift, and its sales volume will say much about whether we are beginning to embrace death.
One last word: For all the authors’ insistence that marching orders for survivors be recorded in their book, there is no reminder to leave the book where it can be found.
Joyce Gemperlein is a regular contributor to Obit.
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Lee Ann Dodson wrote on March 30, 2009 9:33pm
I think this is a fabulous book! Wish we had it when my younger sister was fighting lung cancer--during the last year. It would have helped prevent such a terrible service that half us wanted to walk out on the preacher. I am planning on giving the book as gifts to many--and I will have no qualms to leave the book with my will and make sure that it must be followed. Makes the whole idea of 'passing' a lot more fun and interesting. Definitely a book that has filled a niche in the literature regarding death. Great read and great review! Lee Ann Dodson, Gainesville, FL [Report Comment]
